he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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