please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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