Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
