It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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