I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
