If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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