I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
