dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
