If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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