she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
