True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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