My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
