I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
