I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
