just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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