drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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