All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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