dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
