I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
