I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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