Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
