Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
