i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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