my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just had sex bonerless
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
