i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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