Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
