NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
