I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
