...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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