shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
