I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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