the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
