You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just found puke in my bra..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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