I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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