Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
