I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize