If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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