I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
