How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
