I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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