So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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