Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
