I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
