he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
