WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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