I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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