I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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