Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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