If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
are you so shy because you have an std?
my sisters under your porch take her home
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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