boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
