I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
