We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
