I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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