Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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