A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
