I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
