Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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