i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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