I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
