Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
