Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
