You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my shit smells like andre
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
