69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
